“Jimmy Tide will bleach the hearts , minds, and breathes of America’s future: the children”
Time Magazine
"Jimmy Tide is single handedly starching the stuffed shirts in today's stuffy political system."
The NY Post
"With Jimmy Tide's Youth Dental Program, every child will have a sparkling white smile and clean bleach breath like his."
The Economist
“A Jimmy *Rip Tide* is sweeping the country ;-) LOLOLOLOLOL”
Jimmy Tide
"Jimmy Tide is the Greatest American to ever live."
NAMBLA
Jimmy Tide's 10 Point Action Plan For Improving The Nation.
- Jimmy Tide will SINGLE HANDEDLY remove the filth from this country known as child pornography. He will do this from the ground up by PERSONALLY SCREENING all confiscated child pornography. Based on these screenings, he will seek longer sentences in cases where there is merit.
- Jimmy Tide doesn't like clean laundry... HE LOVES IT!!!!! He strongly believes the quality of life would significantly improve with better laundry! Every man, woman and child should have access to basics, like starched shirts, fabric softeners, and even stain removers.
- Jimmy Tide will aggressively pursue child molesters. He will guarantee everyone
is given a fair shake by personally and privately interrogating child molestation victims to make sure they are telling the truth. This way we can go after the evil doers even harder knowing they are not being falsely accused. Also those kids tend to lie a lot. If Jimmy Tide finds any of them lying, there will be hell to pay.
- Jimmy Tide will wage a one man war against child predators. He will do this by posing as a pedophile on Myspace, Facebook and AOL chatrooms. Any child found responding to these tactics will receive a stern, private talking to from Jimmy Tide personally. Shows such as Dateline NBC's "To Catch A Predator" with Chris Hensen won't be allowed into court trials because they are clearly using illegal entrapment techniques.
- Jimmy Tide wants everyone to have fun. He will make it mandatory to attend Ozzfest each summer. It will greatly improve our quality of life. Also, February is now Ozzie History Month. So is July.
- Jimmy Tide is saddened by the high rate of rape in this country. To eliminate this, tranny prostitutes will be subsidized so they are free to visit and reimbursed by the government. ALSO, any man who wishes to be a tranny shall be given the proper female attire and unlimited bad plastic surgery free of cost.
- Jimmy Tide strongly believes a child's imagination is a beautiful thing. He encourages all kids to be whhizzzards and practice whhizzardary.
- Jimmy Tide believes every convicted sex offender should be given a second chance. He also believes children are this country's greatest asset, and deserve proper guidance and role models. He combines these two things with his exciting new program called "The Little Buddies Secrets Keepers Club". This club pairs reformed sex offenders with young, lonely and troubled boys in need of special guidance and company.
- Jimmy Tide strongly believes in the rights of the children. To demonstrate this, Jimmy Tide DEMANDS the age of consent be lowered from age 18 down to age 7. Jimmy Tide would seek an even lower age, but he believes 7 would be a good start.
- Jimmy Tide believes men should have the right to travel where they want, even based on past sex crimes. He will remove criminal based travel restrictions. Once this is accomplished, Jimmy Tide will begin giving speeches and making appearances at schools and senior citizen's homes once more.*
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